So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
jump out the window naked night went bad
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
