ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
