well you can't waste a boner
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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