I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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