In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
