Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
