I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
