We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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