She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
