What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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