Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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