my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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