Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
