dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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