There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
