Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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