you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
