I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize