Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
