first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
