What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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