um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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