I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
