As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
