So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
