and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
