It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
