Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
