Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
