guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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