the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
