Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
