I love black thongs
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
