Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
