You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My day in three words: secret purse cake
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
