If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
