How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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