I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
