You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
