A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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