Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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