I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
