They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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