I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
