so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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