Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
