Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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