my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
