Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
