she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
